nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
