Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
