She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
