it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
