OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
