We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
