dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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