I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
