The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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