I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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