Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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