youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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