I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
