Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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