If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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