Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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