Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
