I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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