life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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