and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
