Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
