He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
