Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
