you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
