i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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