I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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