It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
