is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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