Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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