I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
