I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm really busy with my period
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