I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
