they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
