So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
