I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
