We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
