your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
