'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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