i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
