I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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