i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
