Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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