I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize