Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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