4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
