I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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