i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You are a genius and a whore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
