Four minutes until I can fart!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
