Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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