Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
