we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018