hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
