I just made out with a guy for $7.
Non-Jews are for practice
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
