hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
