I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
