Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
