one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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