I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
