White coat. Heels.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
