I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize