Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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