Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
