After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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