Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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