And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
