I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
