i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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