Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
