evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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