My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
