dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
