He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
