I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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