After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
