Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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