Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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