So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
