please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
