i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
sex in a hospital.. check
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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